I have an uncomfortable feeling inside so very often. My stomach is in a knot or else it feels as if I am constantly riding a roller coaster...which to me is a bad feeling since I don't like them. I feel anxious. Over a year and a half since Michael's body left this planet, and I still can't wrap my mind around it. I held out all my life for a miricle, for a chance to have a reunion with Him. Yes, I did say "reunion" because I Know I've known him in other lifetimes, both past and future. I recognized him when I was 6. I became aware of a weird 'twisting' feeling in the pit of my stomach..."Who is he?" I thought to myself so often. I felt a real love for him. It felt old and adult somehow. As I grew, I described this love as eternal and ancient. He has always been with me, and having him not shareing the planet with me now seems surreal. At least with him here, I could placate myself, ease my pain, with the knowledge that we shared the beauty of full moons, stars, trees... The realization that I missed my chance to connect with him in this lifetime is excruciatingly painful. Not knowing when I will have the chance to share a physical embrace, a smile, a laugh, with him again is almost more than I can bear sometimes.
********Oh yeah, that Michael tribute I'd set up at our local libray...it stayed up for over 4 months! People really enjoyed it!