7-17-14
So, I feel the same way now…SEE…kid at heart. People might think this sounds too serious to be a kid-at-heart. But, on the contrary – this is how I have a young heart…my feelings are the same, so I must have a child’s heart. It’s weird because when I was a kid I felt like an adult in a kid’s body! You know, an old soul… Well, that’s the yin and yang of life, right? I am a New Age Child, but aren't we Old Souls...with the knowledge of how important it is to stay in touch with the child within? We seem to be children in search of a childhood.
I haven’t really written about this before. The only reason I’m still alive on Earth is my daughter and mom. Mom and McKenzie would actually do quite fine without me…but part of me knows I need to be here for my mother, and part of me wants to be here to protect McKenzie for as long as possible.
I’m NOT going to kill myself. I’m not suicidal, but I still have little melt-downs quite often….confined to the shower, or driving alone, or in my bed in the dark. My breathing gets labored; I get a headache; my stomach flips; I cry....I feel confused....not in my skin...not in my body...
I love my mother, my daughter, my sister…and my father, (whom is no longer with us)…but I find myself approaching and interacting with them somewhat MORE detached than usual. As impossible as that seems to me, it's true. I’m trying to be authentic and real, but my mind wanders to my missed love, Michael. My mind continues to wonder at the mystery of it all, and these perplexing connections of my life...
So, I feel the same way now…SEE…kid at heart. People might think this sounds too serious to be a kid-at-heart. But, on the contrary – this is how I have a young heart…my feelings are the same, so I must have a child’s heart. It’s weird because when I was a kid I felt like an adult in a kid’s body! You know, an old soul… Well, that’s the yin and yang of life, right? I am a New Age Child, but aren't we Old Souls...with the knowledge of how important it is to stay in touch with the child within? We seem to be children in search of a childhood.
I haven’t really written about this before. The only reason I’m still alive on Earth is my daughter and mom. Mom and McKenzie would actually do quite fine without me…but part of me knows I need to be here for my mother, and part of me wants to be here to protect McKenzie for as long as possible.
I’m NOT going to kill myself. I’m not suicidal, but I still have little melt-downs quite often….confined to the shower, or driving alone, or in my bed in the dark. My breathing gets labored; I get a headache; my stomach flips; I cry....I feel confused....not in my skin...not in my body...
I love my mother, my daughter, my sister…and my father, (whom is no longer with us)…but I find myself approaching and interacting with them somewhat MORE detached than usual. As impossible as that seems to me, it's true. I’m trying to be authentic and real, but my mind wanders to my missed love, Michael. My mind continues to wonder at the mystery of it all, and these perplexing connections of my life...
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