I do believe that He was having a lot of anxiety about the upcoming This Is It tour, making getting a good night's rest even harder. He was 50 years old, was somewhat out of practice, and was looking at 50 tour dates before Him. How daunting a task that must have felt. Michael was a perfectionist, always, and He was making this next, and last, tour an amazing event to behold.
Do I wish He wasn't using propofol? YES, of course I do! However, I know that some people defend Michael's decision to use propofol, saying that with proper monitoring it was fine. NO. I beg to differ. I love Michael so very much...and no one should ever question this.To question this is ludicrous! I first realized Michael had my heart in 1968, and that He'd had it for all time. I absolutely love, respect, and honor Him with all that I am! BUT, with that said, propofol is a drug to be used for surgery, not sleep. Someone obviously told Michael it'd be safe for Him. It wasn't. I wish someone in His life had loved Him enough to tell Him the truth and convince Him of another way to get rest. I know he did try various means of getting sleep, I just wish He hadn't resorted to the deadly propofol.
Anyway, I love Him, and do not like this being questioned, especially by someone who just "discovered" Him, and now feels they are an expert on everything Michael. He was desparate for a restful night's sleep....I get that, and I can definately sympathize with Him, as someone who has suffered from insomnia all my life. I am just still concerned about all the anger and hatred out there. I understand it, really I do! I miss Michael's presence on Earth more than I can explain to anyone. I've never been able to explain, or even fathom at times, my love for Him. I've been pondering this for about 45 years! i just know one thing for sure, and its that Michael was all about love & light. Our energy would better be served helping the planet through charities He loved
The thing I wish for most is closure for the family...as much as they can have closure. I'm finding it hard, so I can only imagine what they feel. At least Murray was found guilty, and it was proved that Michael DID NOT inject Himself. NONE of this will bring our Beloved Michael back to us, and I don't want to fill myself up with hatred and anger. I just continue to support various charities, as I've always done, but I've added a couple of Michael's favorite ones. :)