Peeking At God
A Child's Dream (1971: about 9 & 1/2 yrs. old)
In this dream I was a young girl of about 5 or 6, and I was with a young boy who seemed to be a little older than me. We were in the sky, hiding behind a towering, white cloud. We were very afraid. I remember we were crying as we huddled together. Outlining the edges of the cloud was a blinding light behind it, and this is what we were afraid of. We thought this light was going to burn or even kill us if we looked at it, so we stayed crouched down low, hiding, behind the cloud…holding onto each other, whimpering. We were so frightened! However, we somehow knew that we HAD TO LOOK. We felt like we were there together TO LOOK. It seemed like we were there to discover something secret and important, but we were so scared! Finally, I said to the boy, “I’ll look first. I’m braver than you because I’m a girl and girls are braver. Girls can take more pain than boys because we have babies, so I’ll look first. If it doesn’t hurt me, then you can look.” There was a moment where we stared at each other for a while, not talking, but thinking that if the light killed me, he would be all by himself. Even though the boy was older, I felt the need to protect him. I summoned up all my courage and peeked over the top of the huge white cloud. Do you know what it was? Can you guess what I saw? It was God!!! And of course, it didn’t burn me or hurt me in any way! I just kept staring at it because it was so bright and warm and beautiful. Eventually, the boy stood up with me and we both stared at it, unable to look away from the brilliant, beautiful, white light…but it didn’t hurt us. We were confused and a little angry though, and I remember we thought, why would God want to trick us or scare us? Then, all of a sudden we could make out the face of God. IT WAS THE LIGHT! We could actually see the whole body of God. It looked like Hotei, the God of Happiness! He was holding his huge, round, belly, rocking back and forth, pointing at us, and laughing so hard! Pointing and laughing at us! Instantly, the message was obvious to me and the boy. It was simply to always be able to laugh at yourself and life…even though there are hardships to bear…life was not as difficult and sad as some people would have us believe, and life on Earth was just one part of our existence. Take a chance, be brave, enjoy life, and laugh! God hadn’t tricked us after all; he’d taught us a lesson through a shared experience. He’d given us the secret of life: Don’t take life too seriously; be happy, feel joy, and laugh, laugh, laugh!
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The little boy I was with was Michael. Here I am 48 yrs. old now. The Michael that I’ve referred to in my mind all my life as “my Michael” is gone. I hadn’t thought about that dream for a few yrs. I must say that it is so hard to say good-bye to a lifelong friend. I knew from the first time I ever saw a picture of Michael, when I was 6, that I “recognized” him. I thought to myself, “Oh, it’s you.” I have believed my whole life that I’ve known Michael in the past and will again in the future.
I don’t know if I was his sister, mother, daughter, lover, friend or disciple in other incarnations of our relationship, but we are somehow connected…always and forever. I was a child myself when I had this dream (9/10 yrs. old), and in the dream I am a younger child (5 or 6 yrs.) Even in my dreams, even as a child, I wanted to protect Michael.
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+++ This next dream came 5 months after He left. It's significant for me because 5 is my birth number and I was actually born at exactly 5 pm. (according to my birth certificate)
In The Light (Nov. 17, 2009)
One last thing: Another reason for my depression was that I had not been remembering any dreams since Michael left. For the first couple months I would wake up crying, but couldn’t remember anything. Finally the nights of crying in my sleep ended, but still hardly any dreams. And, I had absolutely none of Michael. Why was this? I could not understand it. I have always had an active dream life. Many are just regular mundane dreams, but others have been very prophetic. I always try to find meaning in dreams. I believe we can learn from our dreams and receive messages and/or guidance from them. This made me very sad that I could not tap into any relevant dreams about what I was going through. Even worse was when I remembered what Michael said about attracting angels: It was easier when we were happy and free and loving and open. I knew I wasn’t having “real” dreams because my spirit was so dark. My psyche was crumpled up. However, and this is BIG: On Tuesday night (November 17, 2009), the night after I’d had my shooting star epiphany, I had my FIRST dream of Michael since June 25! It was short…..that's my fault: I was walking and it was kind of dark. I was sad and afraid that Michael would never know that I have always loved Him. I could see someone, a man, standing way ahead of me. The person was wearing a loose-fitting, long sleeve, white shirt. He was either wearing black pants, or the shirt was a tunic that went all the way down, I’m not sure. His hair was black and long. I walked up quietly, from behind, not saying anything. He must have known I was there because when I got near, He turned and opened His arms outstretched at each side…to welcome me. There was a bright light behind Him, so I could not clearly make out His face, but I knew it was Michael. I could see the light shining through the curls surrounding His face. I could “feel” Him smiling at me. He was welcoming me into the light. Although it wasn’t my time yet, He was letting me know that He is there in the light. When I realized it was Michael, I was so happy and excited that I woke up! I woke up with Him standing there with arms outstretched for me!!! At first I thought, “Oh no!” Then I just smiled and really knew in my heart I was going to be just fine. He is there, in the light, waiting for us all. He said once that He loved us “From the abyss of His soul.” I now know that He knows that I love Him too, just as He loves me….and us all.
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SLEEPY HEAD (May 20, 2010)
I don’t know where I was in my dream, but there was a long table with many people sitting at it. Everyone at the table was some male figure who was thought of as being great. They were being honored this night. Most of them were actually Disney characters, all males. As I looked over the table I noticed that sitting right in the middle of everyone was Michael! I thought how sweet this was that Michael had the middle place of honor, among all the characters he loved to mingle with at Disneyland. I could hardly believe that I was looking at Michael! A little later, Michael was standing in front of the table. He seemed a little overwhelmed by all the people mingling around and wanting to get near him. I thought, now is the time. I am going to talk to him. I walked up to him and asked if he wanted to go for a walk. He immediately said yes, and put his hand in mine. I took him outside, as it was an area that I was familiar with. We began to walk, but I noticed that people were beginning to follow us, so I began pulling him along more quickly. I took him through trees and down a path. We were practically jogging to outrun the crowd. Then, we jumped down to a lower level of an embankment along a river. It was an area where my family had a vacation camp. We ducked inside, happy to have lost the followers.
Michael and I sat down on a couch. He seemed so tired to me. He put his head on my shoulder and slowly his eyes closed. I told him that he seemed very sleepy. He said no, that he wasn’t. However, I said to him that it was OK if he was tired, because he never got enough rest. He needed to sleep I told him. Gently, I scooted his head and shoulders down to rest on a pillow in my lap. I told him not to worry because I was here for him; it was OK and he should just sleep. I stroked his soft hair, and his cheek, and watched him peacefully sleeping. I sat there, listening to his calm breathing. I felt so happy to be able to provide him with a safe place to get some much needed rest.
I woke up and could still feel the weight of his body resting against mine. Each time I remembered the dream during the day, my stomach flipped with butterflies. ☺
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Let me first say that I have been feeling the need to withdraw more into myself lately. I am more comfortable keeping my love for Michael personal. For me, it's not so much about "the Michael within", but Michael Himself. All my life I've felt such a strong bond with him, and still I struggle with it. Not a single day goes by that I don't contemplate my feelings about Him now as an adult, when I was still a child, and future lifetimes with him. As much as my love for him has always made me happy, my saddness at losing him still has a very tight grip on me. I've done my own soul searching about it and have come to a couple conclusions. One is that it's ok for me to stop fighting so hard for Michael's reputation. I will always speak his name lovingly to people when given the chance, but the FIGHT is over. Especialy after I had this little dream. In it, Michael gave me permission to let it go. I'm tired of writing letters and signing petitions. I can not force others to see His Light and Love as I do...and it breaks my heart. The other conclusion I came to is that I will Never get over losing him, without ever having the chance to make contact in person during this lifetime. Anyway. I miss him so much, which may sound crazy to some, since I didn't even "know" him in this life. But I know the truth, and it is that our love is ancient and eternal.
"STEPPING BACK" (Dec. 15, 2010)
***a very frustrating dream, but one with a message just the same***
I was in a room full of people, with Michael. I remember holding his hand and telling all these people, "Look, it's Michael." We received NO reaction from the crowd. "It's Michael Jackson!" I yelled, in disbelief. "Yeah, we know. So what?" This was the general response of the crowd of people. I couldn't believe it! I could not get them to care! I immediately became very sad, and just back-n-forth between Michael and the people. Michael, still holding my hand, looked into my eyes and said, "It's OK. It's OK." This dream left me awake and crying, but I felt like He was telling me that it was OK for me to take a step back...to not take it on as my sole purpose in life to get people to 'see' really see, Michael.
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I know I am being greedy, but I pray to God and Michael every single night that Michael come to me again in a dream. The contact I’ve had with Him during dreams has been so incredible. I realize that it’s not as simple as just calling up a friend to come over for coffee, but I ask for it anyway. Like I said, greedy! Anyone who has had contact with Him, during or after His life on Earth, will know what I am talking about. He is so presentand you are engulfed in His warmth and love…you just cannot possibly help but to crave more. Lately I have been too uptight and closed-up when I sleep, so I know that’s why I have not been having any significant dreams. So anyway, these past couple weeks I have been thinking about angels, the part they play in our lives, and miracles also. I guess that’s why I was open to communication in the dream I had in the wee morning hours of December 1, 2011. Upon close inspection, you can see that it was not an ordinary dream, but another visitation by Sweet Michael. I call this dream Silky Touch.
SILKY TOUCH (Dec. 1, 2011)
In the dream I was struggling to run along with several other people. We were running to get in line to see Michael. I was having a lot of trouble, limping more than running, also with my arms stiff. The reason I was having trouble was that something horrible had happened to me only days before learning of Michael’s appearance. I don’t know what had happened, but it seems that both of my lower arms and lower legs had been cut off, and then reattached by doctors! There were fresh stitches and raw wounds all over me! I know, yuck! Right? I could not move my arms well, and could hardly walk, let alone run…But just the same I was struggling to reach a large table where rumor had it Michael would be giving autographs.
I wanted so badly to see Him. I finally reached the spot, only to come to the conclusion that I would never be able to stand there all night on my wounded legs, with my wounded arms. I had to leave and go home. My body was so fatigued and in pain. I went home and lay down. I felt as though I was
drugged, and could not keep my eyes open. I fell into a deep sleep, believing that I had just missed an opportunity of a life time, and would now never see Sweet Michael. I went to sleep feeling broken and
sad.
From my sleep, I was awoken by a dark-haired woman who told me that Michael was never supposed to appear for autographs because she reminded me that He was gone. He had passed from this world. It was then that I remembered He was no longer on earth. I asked her if she had seen the book I wrote for Him. I told her that it was all my love and belief in Him that kept me alive. As I was telling her how much I loved Him I began to cry and could no longer speak, so she held me in her arms. I noticed my own legs and arms were not hurting me as before. Next, she asked if she could take a copy of my book to Michael because she said He’d love to have one. I was so surprised and said yes of course! Then she handed me a very small notebook and told me to send a message to Michael. She said for me to write in it “all that I knew.” I opened the tiny book and saw that there were other messages for Michael from other people, short little hellos. I flipped through the pages and saw one empty page ripped in half, but mostly I was checking to see how many blank pages it contained because I knew I wanted to write a lot!
The dark-haired woman let me know that I could write as much as I wanted. I got the feeling that no matter how much I wrote, there would always be available pages. I began writing to Michael all that I knew of my love for Him. When I was done, I gave it to her, feeling happy He would get it, but sad to have never been with Him.
The next thing I know, Michael is right next to me! He is touching me. My arms and legs are completely fine! There is nothing wrong with me at all. I’m not physically broken; I guess I’ve just been so heartbroken that it had felt physical. He lowers me onto a couch and holds me. His fingers on my skin feel silky. Then he says He’s a little chilly, so I go and find a nice fuzzy sweater and fit it around His shoulders. Sitting close to me, He runs a finger through my hair, letting it just slowly slip from His hand. He does this several times, as I just stare into His eyes, His beautiful, soft, loving, dark, eyes. Then He kisses me on the lips, smiles, and we sit together, snuggled on that couch, alone. It’s so peaceful, and quiet, and intimate. No words are necessary. The couch is in the middle of a room that is so full of stuff like furniture, pictures hanging on walls, vases, books, knick-knacks..…Although it seems cluttered, it’s not overwhelming. On the contrary, it feels cozy and protected. I think this room is filled with the many possessions of quite a lot of people, or maybe they are favorite possessions of Michael Himself. That is the
dream…….
PLAYFUL TEASE (FEB 26, 2012)
This was a short dream, but left me with such happiness and joy when I awoke! Butterflies swirled in my stomach all day long.
In this dream, I was with Michael and I told Him I wanted to help get the world thinking about Him again. He wasn’t too concerned about this, and didn’t really want to do anything. But, I was insistent, so He agreed, but was placating me…as it turned out!
He handed me a stack of bookmark-shaped cardstock items. I looked at the top of
the stack and saw it was a happy photo of Michael. I thought this was perfect, bookmarks, because Michael loved to read! So He stood back, and as people
walked into the room, I handed them a book mark with a smiling Michael on it. I was
so happy to be doing this. Michael was watching me from across the room and
smiling. No one could see Him but me.
After I’d passed out only about 10-15 bookmarks, they became joke bookmarks…no more photos of Michael. I flipped through the stack and saw they were all just various cute jokes! I looked at Michael, puzzled. He was laughing! I went over to Him and asked what was going on. He said that people needed to laugh more than they needed to think about Him. I started to protest, and then He said, “Oh, so you are saying you won’t do this for me?” I looked up into His eyes and told Him that I would do anything for Him! Then, He reached out and took hold of the strings from the hoody I was wearing and pulling them together, twisting them, playfully tying them around my neck, as He pulled me up to His face and kissed me hard on the lips…still laughing! “Good” He said, “Get busy!”
I went back to passing out the bookmarks with jokes on them, and He went back to watching me! I woke up with such a feeling of love and closeness. I wanted to feel that hard kiss again and hear Him laughing. He left me with butterflies that lasted all day!
In this dream, I was with Michael and I told Him I wanted to help get the world thinking about Him again. He wasn’t too concerned about this, and didn’t really want to do anything. But, I was insistent, so He agreed, but was placating me…as it turned out!
He handed me a stack of bookmark-shaped cardstock items. I looked at the top of
the stack and saw it was a happy photo of Michael. I thought this was perfect, bookmarks, because Michael loved to read! So He stood back, and as people
walked into the room, I handed them a book mark with a smiling Michael on it. I was
so happy to be doing this. Michael was watching me from across the room and
smiling. No one could see Him but me.
After I’d passed out only about 10-15 bookmarks, they became joke bookmarks…no more photos of Michael. I flipped through the stack and saw they were all just various cute jokes! I looked at Michael, puzzled. He was laughing! I went over to Him and asked what was going on. He said that people needed to laugh more than they needed to think about Him. I started to protest, and then He said, “Oh, so you are saying you won’t do this for me?” I looked up into His eyes and told Him that I would do anything for Him! Then, He reached out and took hold of the strings from the hoody I was wearing and pulling them together, twisting them, playfully tying them around my neck, as He pulled me up to His face and kissed me hard on the lips…still laughing! “Good” He said, “Get busy!”
I went back to passing out the bookmarks with jokes on them, and He went back to watching me! I woke up with such a feeling of love and closeness. I wanted to feel that hard kiss again and hear Him laughing. He left me with butterflies that lasted all day!
THE HOLY EUCHARIST (5-26-14)
Three nights ago I had an unusual dream. All my dreams, visitations, visions, before this one, actually had Michael there with me. But this time it was stranger. I remember being in an unfamiliar home and having a precious relic in my hands. I was so afraid to break it, and I was afraid to put it down. I finally decided to lay it gently on a table top so I could get a good look at it. It was a paper thin edible "wafer" of sorts...about 3 inches by 3 inches. The image was of Michael on the ground, sitting back on bent knees, arms outstretched to each side, as he bent so forward, so low, that His long curly hair hung all around His face, and touched the ground. His shirt was white and flowing. I realized it was a Holy Eucharist of Michael. I was stunned. I knew it was meant to be consumed, but I just couldn't. So, I decided to take a photo of it and ask fellow disciples and soldiers of love what to do. I kept trying to get a good photo of it, but any movement I made, caused it to flutter because it was so thin. I thought I'd finally gotten the perfect picture. I put the camera down, and when I turned it was gone. I thought it had fluttered down to the floor...but I never found it. I woke up...I was crying so hard. My pillow was wet. My heart was beating loudly in my chest...I felt empty and foolish for not having consumed it immediately...and the Eucharist of Michael was gone. Was it gone because I hesitated? Was it gone because He did not want a picture of it? Was it gone because I wasn't supposed to be discussing such a private thing with others? I don't know, but I'm still reeling from this dream.
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Three nights ago I had an unusual dream. All my dreams, visitations, visions, before this one, actually had Michael there with me. But this time it was stranger. I remember being in an unfamiliar home and having a precious relic in my hands. I was so afraid to break it, and I was afraid to put it down. I finally decided to lay it gently on a table top so I could get a good look at it. It was a paper thin edible "wafer" of sorts...about 3 inches by 3 inches. The image was of Michael on the ground, sitting back on bent knees, arms outstretched to each side, as he bent so forward, so low, that His long curly hair hung all around His face, and touched the ground. His shirt was white and flowing. I realized it was a Holy Eucharist of Michael. I was stunned. I knew it was meant to be consumed, but I just couldn't. So, I decided to take a photo of it and ask fellow disciples and soldiers of love what to do. I kept trying to get a good photo of it, but any movement I made, caused it to flutter because it was so thin. I thought I'd finally gotten the perfect picture. I put the camera down, and when I turned it was gone. I thought it had fluttered down to the floor...but I never found it. I woke up...I was crying so hard. My pillow was wet. My heart was beating loudly in my chest...I felt empty and foolish for not having consumed it immediately...and the Eucharist of Michael was gone. Was it gone because I hesitated? Was it gone because He did not want a picture of it? Was it gone because I wasn't supposed to be discussing such a private thing with others? I don't know, but I'm still reeling from this dream.
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BEETLE of LOVE 6-25-14
THE WINDOW (3-29-15)
This was an interesting dream. I really liked it. I had it in the wee morning hours of my birthday. The same dark-haired woman that was in my dream “Silky Touch,” was with me. I kept telling her that I wanted so much to see Michael. I kept asking her to help me because I missed Him, and wondered if He was alright. Finally, she gestured towards a rectangular shaped object that appeared to my right. It looked like a window, but was opaque. I couldn’t see through it at all. It was a gray, swirly, pattern. I didn’t understand how this solid window was going to help me see Michael. But, as I stared at it, it became completely transparent! It was a window. I was looking down a long banquet table covered in a white tablecloth. The table seemed to be set with a feast. There were no walls…only white… everywhere. Seated at the table along both sides were people talking and laughing, as far as the eye could see…into infinity. Michael was nowhere to be seen, so I kept straining my eyes, trying to look further down the table. All of a sudden I saw Michael right in front of me…only a few persons away. The person sitting on the side of Michael, closest to me, was wearing a puffy, colorful, outfit which obstructed my view of Him. Every now and then Michael rocked back and forth, laughing and talking, and I could get a glimpse of Him. He looked so happy! No one could see me. I had simply been allowed to peek into “heaven.” This dark-haired woman, this angel, had once again brought me to Michael. The last time, I actually got to be with Him…this time she just wanted me to see He was doing fine, and He was happy. I called it heaven because that’s the only way I can describe it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
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TRANSPARENT (9-27-15)
I guess it's because of Lunar Sunday (super moon & total eclipse)...'cause I just took a nap, and woke up with tears coming down my cheeks...as I felt like I was falling, falling, falling. I remembered the most perfect little dream with Michael...
THE DREAM: I went to a restaurant where all the proceeds went to preserving animal welfare around the world. This place was huge, wide open, very high ceiling and made of white stone, with large columns...like
an ancient cathedral. The only furniture were long, dark, wooden tables with benches (sort of like picnic tables). On the walls were huge life-like photos of famous people who'd gone there. I saw a photo of some band with their instruments...I didn't recognize. Then I saw a photo of Michael sitting on top of the very table I was nearest too. He was sitting on the table top, with His feet on the bench part. I asked the Maitre'd if I could sit on that table top in exactly the spot Michael sat, so long ago. He said yes. So, I climbed onto the table, and sat in the exact spot...and tears welled in my eyes...and then Michael appeared right with me. He smiled and told me "Hi." I said "Hi, I'm.." He finished my sentence with "Michelle." Then He said, "I know everything about everyone, now that I am 'here.' I realized He was semi-transparent. He scooted His left leg over to touch my right leg...and our thighs and knees simply melded together. My leg went right through His...and I started crying more and began feeling as though I was falling, falling. That's when I woke up! ~~~ I think when He let His body flow into mine, my spirit began 'falling' into His...into Spirit. When I woke up, I had to get right up and walk around. My stomach was flipping, like I'd just ridden a roller coaster. This has never happened before! He has always come to me solid enough to hold or touch. And although I did feel Him even stronger than ever before...it was very different, ...very, very, different. My body is still buzzing all over, and I feel a bit shaky... This experience was unusual...even for my dreams... But, once again, I really needed and wanted Him today...and He came. I think I've been so upset about the clouds and rain probably blocking the moon tonight, that He came to me semi-transparent to make the point that Rita Bosico had told me earlier...even though I might not SEE the moon...the energy was still there...kinda like Michael's body in my dream. His body was partially obscured, but the energy was stronger than ever before!
I guess it's because of Lunar Sunday (super moon & total eclipse)...'cause I just took a nap, and woke up with tears coming down my cheeks...as I felt like I was falling, falling, falling. I remembered the most perfect little dream with Michael...
THE DREAM: I went to a restaurant where all the proceeds went to preserving animal welfare around the world. This place was huge, wide open, very high ceiling and made of white stone, with large columns...like
an ancient cathedral. The only furniture were long, dark, wooden tables with benches (sort of like picnic tables). On the walls were huge life-like photos of famous people who'd gone there. I saw a photo of some band with their instruments...I didn't recognize. Then I saw a photo of Michael sitting on top of the very table I was nearest too. He was sitting on the table top, with His feet on the bench part. I asked the Maitre'd if I could sit on that table top in exactly the spot Michael sat, so long ago. He said yes. So, I climbed onto the table, and sat in the exact spot...and tears welled in my eyes...and then Michael appeared right with me. He smiled and told me "Hi." I said "Hi, I'm.." He finished my sentence with "Michelle." Then He said, "I know everything about everyone, now that I am 'here.' I realized He was semi-transparent. He scooted His left leg over to touch my right leg...and our thighs and knees simply melded together. My leg went right through His...and I started crying more and began feeling as though I was falling, falling. That's when I woke up! ~~~ I think when He let His body flow into mine, my spirit began 'falling' into His...into Spirit. When I woke up, I had to get right up and walk around. My stomach was flipping, like I'd just ridden a roller coaster. This has never happened before! He has always come to me solid enough to hold or touch. And although I did feel Him even stronger than ever before...it was very different, ...very, very, different. My body is still buzzing all over, and I feel a bit shaky... This experience was unusual...even for my dreams... But, once again, I really needed and wanted Him today...and He came. I think I've been so upset about the clouds and rain probably blocking the moon tonight, that He came to me semi-transparent to make the point that Rita Bosico had told me earlier...even though I might not SEE the moon...the energy was still there...kinda like Michael's body in my dream. His body was partially obscured, but the energy was stronger than ever before!
LITTLE MICHAEL (April 15, 2016)
I was in a house and there was a very small child there…about 2 years old. He was frightened and needed comforting. We didn’t know where he came from and he wasn’t talking yet. There were a few people milling around, wondering where his mother or father was. I was cuddling the small child, hugging, kissing, and talking to him.
We then learned that his mother was gone…like no one knew who or where she was. She’d just vanished and this little boy was left wandering around alone. No one knew who his father was either. Then the small boy told me his name was Michael, and I hugged him even tighter! I decided I was going to keep him with me to make sure he was safe.
All of a sudden, a man showed up at the door and said he was the father of the boy. I felt uneasy, but everyone else seemed relieved. They wanted to give the boy to him, but the boy didn’t seem to want to go. The man insisted, and took the boy from me, into his arms, and walked outside with him. I quickly followed, still feeling uneasy, but unable to stop him…and no one else seemed alarmed. The man told the boy to give me a kiss good-bye. I reached for little Michael and he wrapped his arms around my neck and said, “I need you to protect me.” The man pulled Michael away from me, and I was slack-jawed…feeling paralyzed with fright and sadness.
He roughly put the boy into a car seat. I was pacing back-n-forth in the parking lot this whole time…realizing that no one had gotten this man’s name or even where they lived, or how such a small child had gotten lost in the first place! This didn’t feel right.
Just as I made up my mind that this was all a mistake and I had to know more, I started calling out, “Michael! Michael, wait!” The man hopped in the front seat, gunned the motor, and peeled out burning rubber in the parking lot! He got to the road, didn’t even stop at the stop sign, and speeded around the corner…gone.
I could just see little Michael’s face at the window, as I continued to yell His name.
I woke myself up crying, with my heart racing and pounding in my chest…knowing I’d failed Michael.
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You Know Something I Don’t Know (7-9-16)
This dream took place in my childhood house in Carencro, which I lived in 1st to 6th grade. Here is when I first saw Michael’s photo and ‘recognized’ Him as someone I have always known. This is the first time, in this lifetime, I felt overwhelming love for Him.
I was in this dream as an adult. Michael was there, and other people were there…none I recognized. He and I were in the large living room/dining room combination. We had to go outside because I had something to do in the yard. Michael said He would help me, so we went out the dining room door into the back yard, down the large steps…just as I remember it. I was being too serious for Michael, I guess, because He tossed something on me, like purple paint, or juicy blackberries. I said, oh that’s real funny! He just laughed and laughed…so I laughed a little also, but felt sad instead of happy...and didn't understand why.
We went back into the house into the living room. He wanted to go into another room, and assumed I was following Him. But my feelings were distant and sad because I didn’t feel like I was really invited to follow. I just felt out of place in my own home, or inadequate, or left out.
Before I knew it, I started hearing Him in our Gold Room…which is what we called our play room ‘cause it had gold carpet and curtains. The Gold Room was the room behind the kitchen wall. I could hear Him so clearly laughing. He was being tickled by someone! I could also hear women laughing.
I walked around the kitchen, through the first bedroom, and came into the Gold Room the back way. I saw that Michael was just pulling away from a woman whom had been tickling Him. He threw Himself across the couch onto his back, and looked at me as if to say, “Where have you been?” He gestured for me to go to Him on the couch, but instead, I freaked out and quickly left and went into the back bedroom, which had been my parent’s room.
I was in there feeling so sad, feeling so lost, & feeling so in love with Him, but confused. I was trying to catch my breath, on the verge of bursting into tears, when Michael walked in. He walked over to me and held my arms, as I continued to fight back tears and catch my breath. I didn’t know what was happening! He asked me what was wrong…a couple of times. I told Him that I didn’t know. He finally took me in a tight hug and helped me slow down and steady my breathing. Then Michael spoke quietly into my ear, “You know something I don’t know.”
***** That’s how I woke up…from that tight hug…with those words in my mind. My heart was heavy.
It took several hours of thinking about this dream to understand it. The meaning came all at once. First of all, it took place in the home where I’d first realized I was in love with Michael…a seeming stranger to me…looking from the outside, but an eternal love…feeling from the inside. Although knowing I loved Him at such an early age was amazing. It was also very sad because I realized I’d never be with Him during this life time. It was a confusing time for me. When Michael said that I knew something He didn’t know…He was EXACTLY right. From this very early time in my life I have been in love with Him. I have felt so protective of Him. I have wanted to be with Him to help Him in any way He needed. I knew it, but Michael did not. This very thing was always my biggest regret…that I wasn’t able to hold him and help him through the hard times. This deep pain was born in this house in Carencro when I was between 6&1/2 and 7 years old.
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This dream took place in my childhood house in Carencro, which I lived in 1st to 6th grade. Here is when I first saw Michael’s photo and ‘recognized’ Him as someone I have always known. This is the first time, in this lifetime, I felt overwhelming love for Him.
I was in this dream as an adult. Michael was there, and other people were there…none I recognized. He and I were in the large living room/dining room combination. We had to go outside because I had something to do in the yard. Michael said He would help me, so we went out the dining room door into the back yard, down the large steps…just as I remember it. I was being too serious for Michael, I guess, because He tossed something on me, like purple paint, or juicy blackberries. I said, oh that’s real funny! He just laughed and laughed…so I laughed a little also, but felt sad instead of happy...and didn't understand why.
We went back into the house into the living room. He wanted to go into another room, and assumed I was following Him. But my feelings were distant and sad because I didn’t feel like I was really invited to follow. I just felt out of place in my own home, or inadequate, or left out.
Before I knew it, I started hearing Him in our Gold Room…which is what we called our play room ‘cause it had gold carpet and curtains. The Gold Room was the room behind the kitchen wall. I could hear Him so clearly laughing. He was being tickled by someone! I could also hear women laughing.
I walked around the kitchen, through the first bedroom, and came into the Gold Room the back way. I saw that Michael was just pulling away from a woman whom had been tickling Him. He threw Himself across the couch onto his back, and looked at me as if to say, “Where have you been?” He gestured for me to go to Him on the couch, but instead, I freaked out and quickly left and went into the back bedroom, which had been my parent’s room.
I was in there feeling so sad, feeling so lost, & feeling so in love with Him, but confused. I was trying to catch my breath, on the verge of bursting into tears, when Michael walked in. He walked over to me and held my arms, as I continued to fight back tears and catch my breath. I didn’t know what was happening! He asked me what was wrong…a couple of times. I told Him that I didn’t know. He finally took me in a tight hug and helped me slow down and steady my breathing. Then Michael spoke quietly into my ear, “You know something I don’t know.”
***** That’s how I woke up…from that tight hug…with those words in my mind. My heart was heavy.
It took several hours of thinking about this dream to understand it. The meaning came all at once. First of all, it took place in the home where I’d first realized I was in love with Michael…a seeming stranger to me…looking from the outside, but an eternal love…feeling from the inside. Although knowing I loved Him at such an early age was amazing. It was also very sad because I realized I’d never be with Him during this life time. It was a confusing time for me. When Michael said that I knew something He didn’t know…He was EXACTLY right. From this very early time in my life I have been in love with Him. I have felt so protective of Him. I have wanted to be with Him to help Him in any way He needed. I knew it, but Michael did not. This very thing was always my biggest regret…that I wasn’t able to hold him and help him through the hard times. This deep pain was born in this house in Carencro when I was between 6&1/2 and 7 years old.
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CAR RIDE (11-1-17)
I was riding in a car…destination unknown…Michael was driving. I was next to him, and another guy was next to me. There was a young child in a car seat in the back seat…I think a boy. The child was not happy, so I was giving the guy next to me some advice. It seems he was a new parent. He was handling the situation incorrectly. I showed him what to do…it had something to do with a pacifier. He tried it, and it worked! I praised him, and said he’d be a great father after all.
Michael was driving, smiling, not talking. We’d been driving a long time and He needed to stretch His legs, so we pulled over. I told Him He needed to jog around. He handed me something to hold for Him. I stayed in the car, playing with the object. It was a small clear plastic square, flat container. As I moved it around in my fingers, moisture beaded up inside, to form droplets of water rolling around. I could almost make-out what the object was in there, but not quite.
Michael came back, and we walked to a nearby house, and went in. We asked to use the restroom and have some water. There was an elderly couple inside, and they were just getting ready to leave to go for a walk. They told us to come in. Then the elderly man just started staring at Michael. He stared for a while, then said, “Everything you will need, you’ll find in the kitchen.” His wife looked confused, but then they walked out of the house for their walk.
You see, the old man had recognized Michael as an angel. I knew it, and Michael knew it. Michael told me, “He knows he’s going to die out there.” We looked in a kitchen drawer and found names of next to kin…stuff like that. So we could help the sad and scared wife when it all happened. As Michael looked over the information in the little book we’d found, I sat at the breakfast bar. There was a small cake-taker on the counter. When I pressed a lever, it opened to reveal a flat, spicy, fig cake. I pinched a thumbnail-sized bite. It was so good. It reminded me of the cakes my mom makes, and the cakes my grandmothers and great grandmothers used to make. It made me begin to cry. Michael said nothing, but He saw me, and by simply being there next to me, He offered support, and I felt better. I woke from this dream with tears on my face.
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I was riding in a car…destination unknown…Michael was driving. I was next to him, and another guy was next to me. There was a young child in a car seat in the back seat…I think a boy. The child was not happy, so I was giving the guy next to me some advice. It seems he was a new parent. He was handling the situation incorrectly. I showed him what to do…it had something to do with a pacifier. He tried it, and it worked! I praised him, and said he’d be a great father after all.
Michael was driving, smiling, not talking. We’d been driving a long time and He needed to stretch His legs, so we pulled over. I told Him He needed to jog around. He handed me something to hold for Him. I stayed in the car, playing with the object. It was a small clear plastic square, flat container. As I moved it around in my fingers, moisture beaded up inside, to form droplets of water rolling around. I could almost make-out what the object was in there, but not quite.
Michael came back, and we walked to a nearby house, and went in. We asked to use the restroom and have some water. There was an elderly couple inside, and they were just getting ready to leave to go for a walk. They told us to come in. Then the elderly man just started staring at Michael. He stared for a while, then said, “Everything you will need, you’ll find in the kitchen.” His wife looked confused, but then they walked out of the house for their walk.
You see, the old man had recognized Michael as an angel. I knew it, and Michael knew it. Michael told me, “He knows he’s going to die out there.” We looked in a kitchen drawer and found names of next to kin…stuff like that. So we could help the sad and scared wife when it all happened. As Michael looked over the information in the little book we’d found, I sat at the breakfast bar. There was a small cake-taker on the counter. When I pressed a lever, it opened to reveal a flat, spicy, fig cake. I pinched a thumbnail-sized bite. It was so good. It reminded me of the cakes my mom makes, and the cakes my grandmothers and great grandmothers used to make. It made me begin to cry. Michael said nothing, but He saw me, and by simply being there next to me, He offered support, and I felt better. I woke from this dream with tears on my face.
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THE GENERAL part 1 (9-11-17)
*** I feel certain this was a memory of a past life with Michael…too real…no aspects of fantasy at all…brought my heart into my throat with tears in eyes. For days I felt disconnected to my life here.
I was with a large group of people traveling across a landscape of partially barren sandy soil & rocks. There were some woody areas off in the distance in a couple of directions. It was VERY cold & windy at times. We were a group of families, children, and single people also. I was single. Some of us were lay-people, and some were militia families. It seemed like we were trying to get somewhere, avoiding some sort of enemy faction. We had little food and possessions, and no housing materials…nomadic, or sort of on-the-run…in hiding…looking for a better life maybe…? It seemed to be set in a time period like the Civil War. The upper class women wore puffy, more ornate dresses. I wore a very plain dress…almost like a sack dress, or Indian buffalo hide dress. NO woman wore pants.
I remember walking up to a man dressed in a military uniform…the “General” I referred to him. He was obviously the man in charge. He was absolutely beautiful…compassionate, dark, almond-shaped eyes, with longish curly, black hair, and an amazing smile. The man next to him had dirty-blonde, longish hair, rougher features, but pleasant looking and friendly. He was in uniform also, and I referred to him as Sargent. He was second in command. When I walked up to them, the Sargent introduced me to the General. I couldn’t take my eyes off the him. Sargent said, “Yes, he’s a beautiful woman!” He was joking with his friend, the General. They laughed together. Then I said, “No! He is a beautiful man. A man can be beautiful, and he is so beautiful.” I then turned to the Sargent, not to hurt his feelings, and said, “You are good-looking also. But the General is beautiful.” The General would just stare at me and smile. He seemed to have a beauty not of this world.
FLASH to: Me and the General walking along side by side across the sandy barren land, looking at the group he was with…no fire pit, no shelter for the kids…no food. I looked back at the group I’d been walking with. We had a fire going…a pile of broken limbs for firewood. Plus, we’d found a large wooden crate, open on one side which we used to keep the kids warm at night. We had our camp set up on the side of a natural wind break in the uneven land, where a low-lying ledge had formed in the terrain. I suggested to him that we combine our 2 groups to better survive. He looked at me, a little surprised that not only a woman had come up with this idea but was also presuming to suggest it to a General. *** In this dream I was more of a peasant person, poorer than some of the people here.
FLASH to: Me breaking down my camp and carrying it all, mostly by myself, but with a little help from my camp members, over to the area of the militia camp. I carried the huge wooden crate, plus 2 other items in my arms. The crate was almost too heavy for me, but I wanted to impress the General. When I got to their camp, I looked around for him, and saw that he was deep in conversation with some men and militia. He never saw me set up the new camp. I was disappointed.
FLASH to: Me asking where the General had been gone to. Me being told that he’d been away fighting, and had sustained a serious wound and was in a coma! I was so sad, and my heart was in my chest. But I felt determined to keep him alive. I insisted that he be put in the large wooden crate at night with the children, to keep him warm. I said that he was our leader and HAD to get better! We needed him desperately, or at least I did.
FLASH to: Me helping a young girl learn to look for nuts and seeds and build a mud burm on the windy side of the camp. Then me talking with a woman in a beautiful cream-colored, long, puffy dress. I was holding my knife as we talked, and gesturing with it. She got upset and would not allow her daughter to come with me. She made the young girl go to sleep. She scolded me for my boyish behavior. I yelled at her that I had been raised an orphan, and ALL orphans needed to know how to take care of themselves! I stomped away. Perhaps I was worried about the General’s young daughter becoming an orphan herself, if he should die in the war. (Apparently this woman & young girl were his family.)
FLASH to: The General, recovered now, and walking side by side with me again. I told him how I’d made the camp, and brought the crate, and had him kept in it for warmth, and would sleep against the outside of it to block the wind and add warmth from my body. He chuckled at me condescendingly, and said, “I’m sure you didn’t do this for me.” Because I was a woman…obviously. I turned to his Sargent and said, “Tell him.” The Sargent then described how I really was the one that saved his life by keeping him from freezing to death, and giving his body a few days to heal. He explained how I go into the distant woods every day to forage for nuts, seeds, and any food stuff, and that each day I had to go further to look. He said to him, “The toasted acorns you are eating right now are because of her.” The General stared at me amazed, and with a sort of disbelief, because the women he’d been traveling with, and was married to, did nearly nothing.
FLASH to: The General fussing with his cream-colored puffy wife because he was watching his daughter’s unbecoming behavior … “playing” in the mud, and he blamed his wife for not watching her closely enough. She defended herself by saying that she was tired, and had put the girl to bed. With raised voice he said, “No look at her! She is pulling out God’s plants and putting them on a pile of mud!” ***The young girl had made a mound of mud at the river’s edge, and was talking to herself, like a prayer. She was saying things about adding God’s plants, as she spaced out tiny plants, so that God would see us and take care of us. Then she’d go get a handful of one kind of seed and sprinkle them. Then another kind of seed to sprinkle, while talking about having things to grow with God’s plants for us all.
FLASH to: Me, as I watched and listened from a distance, at this happening before everyone’s eyes and ears. The General slowly began to actually listen to his daughter’s words…so sweet and reverent. He began to not only soften, he began to admire her, and love her more. He, all of a sudden, realized who had taught her this reverence for God, and how to plant seeds for food to help her people…it had been me. He looked over at me, and we just stood there staring at each other. His eyes told me that he loved and respected me. But we both knew we’d never be together in this lifetime. We both stood there watching his little daughter and listening to her song to God. He had tears in his eyes as he stared at me.
*** I woke up crying.
*** I know the General from my dream was Michael: the kind, sensitive, dark, almond-shaped eyes. The deep, methodical, way of moving and doing. The curly black hair. The absolute beauty, and sweet, all-knowing smile. And, Michael did like dressing in military garb a lot. I do call Him my Soul Warrior. He called us His Soldiers of Love.
*** I know this is a memory of one of the lives we knew we shared. And, were in love. I felt the truth of it in the pit of my stomach.
*** I feel certain this was a memory of a past life with Michael…too real…no aspects of fantasy at all…brought my heart into my throat with tears in eyes. For days I felt disconnected to my life here.
I was with a large group of people traveling across a landscape of partially barren sandy soil & rocks. There were some woody areas off in the distance in a couple of directions. It was VERY cold & windy at times. We were a group of families, children, and single people also. I was single. Some of us were lay-people, and some were militia families. It seemed like we were trying to get somewhere, avoiding some sort of enemy faction. We had little food and possessions, and no housing materials…nomadic, or sort of on-the-run…in hiding…looking for a better life maybe…? It seemed to be set in a time period like the Civil War. The upper class women wore puffy, more ornate dresses. I wore a very plain dress…almost like a sack dress, or Indian buffalo hide dress. NO woman wore pants.
I remember walking up to a man dressed in a military uniform…the “General” I referred to him. He was obviously the man in charge. He was absolutely beautiful…compassionate, dark, almond-shaped eyes, with longish curly, black hair, and an amazing smile. The man next to him had dirty-blonde, longish hair, rougher features, but pleasant looking and friendly. He was in uniform also, and I referred to him as Sargent. He was second in command. When I walked up to them, the Sargent introduced me to the General. I couldn’t take my eyes off the him. Sargent said, “Yes, he’s a beautiful woman!” He was joking with his friend, the General. They laughed together. Then I said, “No! He is a beautiful man. A man can be beautiful, and he is so beautiful.” I then turned to the Sargent, not to hurt his feelings, and said, “You are good-looking also. But the General is beautiful.” The General would just stare at me and smile. He seemed to have a beauty not of this world.
FLASH to: Me and the General walking along side by side across the sandy barren land, looking at the group he was with…no fire pit, no shelter for the kids…no food. I looked back at the group I’d been walking with. We had a fire going…a pile of broken limbs for firewood. Plus, we’d found a large wooden crate, open on one side which we used to keep the kids warm at night. We had our camp set up on the side of a natural wind break in the uneven land, where a low-lying ledge had formed in the terrain. I suggested to him that we combine our 2 groups to better survive. He looked at me, a little surprised that not only a woman had come up with this idea but was also presuming to suggest it to a General. *** In this dream I was more of a peasant person, poorer than some of the people here.
FLASH to: Me breaking down my camp and carrying it all, mostly by myself, but with a little help from my camp members, over to the area of the militia camp. I carried the huge wooden crate, plus 2 other items in my arms. The crate was almost too heavy for me, but I wanted to impress the General. When I got to their camp, I looked around for him, and saw that he was deep in conversation with some men and militia. He never saw me set up the new camp. I was disappointed.
FLASH to: Me asking where the General had been gone to. Me being told that he’d been away fighting, and had sustained a serious wound and was in a coma! I was so sad, and my heart was in my chest. But I felt determined to keep him alive. I insisted that he be put in the large wooden crate at night with the children, to keep him warm. I said that he was our leader and HAD to get better! We needed him desperately, or at least I did.
FLASH to: Me helping a young girl learn to look for nuts and seeds and build a mud burm on the windy side of the camp. Then me talking with a woman in a beautiful cream-colored, long, puffy dress. I was holding my knife as we talked, and gesturing with it. She got upset and would not allow her daughter to come with me. She made the young girl go to sleep. She scolded me for my boyish behavior. I yelled at her that I had been raised an orphan, and ALL orphans needed to know how to take care of themselves! I stomped away. Perhaps I was worried about the General’s young daughter becoming an orphan herself, if he should die in the war. (Apparently this woman & young girl were his family.)
FLASH to: The General, recovered now, and walking side by side with me again. I told him how I’d made the camp, and brought the crate, and had him kept in it for warmth, and would sleep against the outside of it to block the wind and add warmth from my body. He chuckled at me condescendingly, and said, “I’m sure you didn’t do this for me.” Because I was a woman…obviously. I turned to his Sargent and said, “Tell him.” The Sargent then described how I really was the one that saved his life by keeping him from freezing to death, and giving his body a few days to heal. He explained how I go into the distant woods every day to forage for nuts, seeds, and any food stuff, and that each day I had to go further to look. He said to him, “The toasted acorns you are eating right now are because of her.” The General stared at me amazed, and with a sort of disbelief, because the women he’d been traveling with, and was married to, did nearly nothing.
FLASH to: The General fussing with his cream-colored puffy wife because he was watching his daughter’s unbecoming behavior … “playing” in the mud, and he blamed his wife for not watching her closely enough. She defended herself by saying that she was tired, and had put the girl to bed. With raised voice he said, “No look at her! She is pulling out God’s plants and putting them on a pile of mud!” ***The young girl had made a mound of mud at the river’s edge, and was talking to herself, like a prayer. She was saying things about adding God’s plants, as she spaced out tiny plants, so that God would see us and take care of us. Then she’d go get a handful of one kind of seed and sprinkle them. Then another kind of seed to sprinkle, while talking about having things to grow with God’s plants for us all.
FLASH to: Me, as I watched and listened from a distance, at this happening before everyone’s eyes and ears. The General slowly began to actually listen to his daughter’s words…so sweet and reverent. He began to not only soften, he began to admire her, and love her more. He, all of a sudden, realized who had taught her this reverence for God, and how to plant seeds for food to help her people…it had been me. He looked over at me, and we just stood there staring at each other. His eyes told me that he loved and respected me. But we both knew we’d never be together in this lifetime. We both stood there watching his little daughter and listening to her song to God. He had tears in his eyes as he stared at me.
*** I woke up crying.
*** I know the General from my dream was Michael: the kind, sensitive, dark, almond-shaped eyes. The deep, methodical, way of moving and doing. The curly black hair. The absolute beauty, and sweet, all-knowing smile. And, Michael did like dressing in military garb a lot. I do call Him my Soul Warrior. He called us His Soldiers of Love.
*** I know this is a memory of one of the lives we knew we shared. And, were in love. I felt the truth of it in the pit of my stomach.
THE GENERAL (part 2) 8-25-18
(Again...This was a vision, a snapshot, a memory.)
Over the past 9 or so months, since we’d found ourselves here on the river’s bank, the Settlement had become well established. Everyone was thriving, including all 9 children. The men had managed to build 4 small log cabins and erected several teepees. The teepees were made from deer and bear hides from animals the men had hunted throughout the woods and surrounding mountains. There had been no skirmishes that needed attending by the military for several months. The soldiers and lay men had begun working closely together to better the Settlement’s living conditions.
The women had really come together as well. Each woman knew her skill set, be it cooking, sewing, building, teaching, fishing, foraging, or growing, and we got along great. Every individual came together for the betterment of the whole. All except the General’s wife. I’m sure she played piano beautifully, did needle point, painting, and lace-making. However, in these rugged times, those skills were nearly useless, thus rendering her nearly useless. She was occasionally tasked with prying nuts from shells and washing berries, but she complained that these chores “made her finger nails look like claws.” So, the young servant girl, that had traveled with them, usually did the chores for her.
It was early morning, and everyone was waking, putting kettles of water to flames, preparing for breakfast. The cache of coffee beans we’d taken with us on this exodus had long since run out. But luckily, we’d found chicory trees growing near-by which made our new favorite hot beverage: chicory and spruce needle tea! The spruce needles even served as a source of vitamin c for the children.
I was crouched down, building one of several community fires, in the idiosyncratic way I had of laying sticks in a pattern of 5, 3, 5, 3. From behind me I heard a low chuckle. As I whipped my head around, I was looking up into the beautiful face of the General. I instinctively snapped, “Think you can do better?” “Absolutely not, Mam!” We both laughed, and that was that. I was surprised by his early morning visit to my fire pit, but I was also very thrilled.
He continued to watch me stoke the fire until I asked if he wanted a cup of tea. He answered that he’d love one, then he sat on one of the log benches to wait for it. His unaccustomed visit had me a little rattled, and I fumbled his cup. He tried to calm me down by smiling and asking me to pour myself a cup and have a seat. I did so, but I was still very nervous. He and I always kept a healthy distance between us because our unspoken, and impossible mutual attraction, made this necessary.
Except for a few brief comments about my recent lessons for the children, and the delicious meal the women and I had prepared the day before, we sat and sipped, in strained silence. Finally, he stood up and thanked me for the drink. Then he made a show of speaking loudly for all to hear, as he very official-like requested that I take him along when I went out to forage this day. Apparently, he knew my schedule. He remarked that he felt he needed to better familiarize himself with the area surrounding the Settlement. He looked to the woman who was to accompany me on this excursion, and suggested she take the time off to attend to other things. It was clear to everyone that he’d be accompanying me in official capacity as the General and leader of the Settlement. My heart jumped into my throat!
After breakfast duties were over, and we’d cleaned up for the day, the General and I each slung carrying pouches over our shoulders and picked up pails, then walked out of the Settlement and onto the trail. I did not know what to think of this turn of events, but I was ecstatic to be spending time with this man whom I loved so very much.
Conversation between us began once we were about 30 minutes into our slow walk, side by side. We came upon a small bush full of blueberries, and the General broke the silence by suggesting we stop for a snack and water. One by one, we picked berries and ate, again in silence, only glancing at one another with smiles, me awkwardly, he purposefully. Every time our eyes met, I got goose bumps.
Suddenly he said, “You have been doing such an outstanding job providing for our people, I had to come along and see you in action!”
This lightened the mood and I laughed. Conversation flowed much easier after this. I began by telling him that soon we would come upon an open field with many more blueberry bushes and the walnut trees were just around the bend from that. I explained to him that I’d been exploring the areas west/northwest but had not been eastward yet. I also described to him how I noticed the walnut trees seem to get larger and more abundant towards the northwest, but that I had not ventured there very far. “The vegetation is much thicker,” I said. “And I have no gun for protection against bears.” This statement stopped him dead in his tracks. He had not thought of this before, he told me. He then demanded that I was “never to leave the Settlement again without a gun on me.” The deep concern in his voice made my heart skip a beat.
Eventually we came across the field of blueberry bushes, but he wanted to push on. So, for another hour we walked deeper into the walnut grove, following a deer trail. Soon we were walking on a slippery, rolling carpet of walnuts! We rounded a curve in the trail and found a massive walnut tree that had been toppled over, probably from a lightening strike and high winds. The branches were loaded with nuts! At once we began filling the pouches that hung around our necks. I ducked under a large branch and squealed out loud. The General came quickly, with gun drawn, only to find me marveling over a perfectly formed abandoned bird’s nest. He put his gun away and just stared at me. “Look!” I said. “I can’t wait to show the children. They will be so excited to see a nest up close and hold it in their hands.” I set the nest aside and we finished filling our pouches with walnuts. “Let’s go further.” he said. So, we leaned our full pouches against the tree stump and carried our pails down the trail.
We marveled at how amazing and massive, the trees were this deep in the forest. Continuing the hike, the growth thinned out onto a sloped clearing that was covered with thick blackberry brambles. As far as the eye could see, there were fat, juicy, blackberries! We could hardly believe our luck. The General found a long stick and began to whack the brambles as he scared away any possible snakes. I followed behind, and the two of us ate berries until our stomachs hurt. Then we quickly filled our pails to the brim and left our beautiful berry bounty for another day.
Back on the deer trail, we found the toppled walnut tree. The General said that he’d like to sit a while. So, we put our pails full of berries next to our pouches full of nuts and sat on a log.
We just sat and listened. We heard birds and bees. We heard squirrels in the trees. We heard the wind in the leaves. It was a most perfect day! He took out his leather water pouch and handed it to me. I drank and handed it back to him. He took several long, slow, sips… seeming to be stretching the moment. Quiet, perfect, minutes ticked by, then he said, “In this forest, under these big, strong, strait and true trees, I want to be strong and true with you. I need to tell you something.” My heart was pounding so loudly, I felt sure he could hear it too. My mind couldn’t make sense of what was happening because I’d never heard the General say anything this personal or poetic. I could only study his face.
Then he did something he’d never done before. He reached for my hands and took them in his. This was the first time we had ever touched. It felt like lightening was passing between us. Once our hands stopped shaking, he said, “I know I am married, and have no right to say what I say. But the truth is, I don’t love her, and she doesn’t love me. The marriage was arranged by her father. He was a wealthy ranch owner whom had given much to the militia and the cause. And when he said his daughter would make a fine wife for me, it wasn’t a question. I could not say no.” I could hardly believe what I was hearing! And he wasn’t finished speaking. “She and I had one child eight years ago, Mary Anne, and we have not been as husband and wife since then. She fears another child. As you have noticed for yourself I’m sure, she barely tolerates the one we have. My daughter has been my only reason for happiness, until you came into my life less than one year ago. Nothing you do, on any given day, goes unnoticed by me. I wake each morning and look for you. I watch you build your meticulous fire…your perfect, beautiful fire. I watch you teach the children and see their rapt attentive eyes. I listen for your laughter across the Settlement, and no matter what task I am performing when I hear it, it makes me smile.” By this point in his narrative I was finding it hard to breathe, and I said to him, “Yet, we are not together. So how can I ever laugh again after hearing these words?” The General responded by saying, “You can never stop laughing, because if you stop laughing, I stop living.” He squeezed my hands tighter, then lifted my head to look into his eyes. I saw tears in them. In disbelief I asked, “Are you crying?” He said, “When I’m with you, I am not the General. I’m only a man lost in love.”
Taking my hands again, he pulled me into a standing position then placed his hands on my cheeks. He kissed me twice. Then he just held me in a tight hug, for what seemed like forever. When he pulled back, he took my face in his hands again and said, “From now on, every time you hear me utter the words, ‘I remember,’ you will know that I am remembering this moment. No matter what the conversation is, or to whom I’m speaking. It will always be this very moment I am remembering.” He kissed me again, then without another word we picked up our pails of blackberries and pouches of walnuts, and my little bird’s nest, and we began the very long walk back to the Settlement.
With both our hearts so full and heavy, very few words were exchanged. We had just experienced the sweetest and saddest moments of our lives. Words were just not enough. Often, we looked at one another, each studying the other’s face, because something profound had changed. We were different. We were stronger and truer. We were more beautiful.
About 30 minutes from the Settlement, the General put his load down, and took mine from me and set them next to his. We stood there sharing one more, warm embrace. He kissed me and whispered in my ear, “I remember.” We picked up our pouches of walnuts again, and he picked up both pails of berries, and we walked side by side. Half an hour later we strode into the Settlement to the sound of all 9 children cheering as they saw the full pails of blackberries!
As the General and I parted company and walked our separate ways, he called out to me, “Michelle, Mam! I want you to know that we will go out again soon. And this time we’ll do some practice target shooting with a gun I will choose just for you.” Then he paused and said, “I remember.” Both our faces lit up together. I thought to myself, “Yes. This could work!”
(Again...This was a vision, a snapshot, a memory.)
Over the past 9 or so months, since we’d found ourselves here on the river’s bank, the Settlement had become well established. Everyone was thriving, including all 9 children. The men had managed to build 4 small log cabins and erected several teepees. The teepees were made from deer and bear hides from animals the men had hunted throughout the woods and surrounding mountains. There had been no skirmishes that needed attending by the military for several months. The soldiers and lay men had begun working closely together to better the Settlement’s living conditions.
The women had really come together as well. Each woman knew her skill set, be it cooking, sewing, building, teaching, fishing, foraging, or growing, and we got along great. Every individual came together for the betterment of the whole. All except the General’s wife. I’m sure she played piano beautifully, did needle point, painting, and lace-making. However, in these rugged times, those skills were nearly useless, thus rendering her nearly useless. She was occasionally tasked with prying nuts from shells and washing berries, but she complained that these chores “made her finger nails look like claws.” So, the young servant girl, that had traveled with them, usually did the chores for her.
It was early morning, and everyone was waking, putting kettles of water to flames, preparing for breakfast. The cache of coffee beans we’d taken with us on this exodus had long since run out. But luckily, we’d found chicory trees growing near-by which made our new favorite hot beverage: chicory and spruce needle tea! The spruce needles even served as a source of vitamin c for the children.
I was crouched down, building one of several community fires, in the idiosyncratic way I had of laying sticks in a pattern of 5, 3, 5, 3. From behind me I heard a low chuckle. As I whipped my head around, I was looking up into the beautiful face of the General. I instinctively snapped, “Think you can do better?” “Absolutely not, Mam!” We both laughed, and that was that. I was surprised by his early morning visit to my fire pit, but I was also very thrilled.
He continued to watch me stoke the fire until I asked if he wanted a cup of tea. He answered that he’d love one, then he sat on one of the log benches to wait for it. His unaccustomed visit had me a little rattled, and I fumbled his cup. He tried to calm me down by smiling and asking me to pour myself a cup and have a seat. I did so, but I was still very nervous. He and I always kept a healthy distance between us because our unspoken, and impossible mutual attraction, made this necessary.
Except for a few brief comments about my recent lessons for the children, and the delicious meal the women and I had prepared the day before, we sat and sipped, in strained silence. Finally, he stood up and thanked me for the drink. Then he made a show of speaking loudly for all to hear, as he very official-like requested that I take him along when I went out to forage this day. Apparently, he knew my schedule. He remarked that he felt he needed to better familiarize himself with the area surrounding the Settlement. He looked to the woman who was to accompany me on this excursion, and suggested she take the time off to attend to other things. It was clear to everyone that he’d be accompanying me in official capacity as the General and leader of the Settlement. My heart jumped into my throat!
After breakfast duties were over, and we’d cleaned up for the day, the General and I each slung carrying pouches over our shoulders and picked up pails, then walked out of the Settlement and onto the trail. I did not know what to think of this turn of events, but I was ecstatic to be spending time with this man whom I loved so very much.
Conversation between us began once we were about 30 minutes into our slow walk, side by side. We came upon a small bush full of blueberries, and the General broke the silence by suggesting we stop for a snack and water. One by one, we picked berries and ate, again in silence, only glancing at one another with smiles, me awkwardly, he purposefully. Every time our eyes met, I got goose bumps.
Suddenly he said, “You have been doing such an outstanding job providing for our people, I had to come along and see you in action!”
This lightened the mood and I laughed. Conversation flowed much easier after this. I began by telling him that soon we would come upon an open field with many more blueberry bushes and the walnut trees were just around the bend from that. I explained to him that I’d been exploring the areas west/northwest but had not been eastward yet. I also described to him how I noticed the walnut trees seem to get larger and more abundant towards the northwest, but that I had not ventured there very far. “The vegetation is much thicker,” I said. “And I have no gun for protection against bears.” This statement stopped him dead in his tracks. He had not thought of this before, he told me. He then demanded that I was “never to leave the Settlement again without a gun on me.” The deep concern in his voice made my heart skip a beat.
Eventually we came across the field of blueberry bushes, but he wanted to push on. So, for another hour we walked deeper into the walnut grove, following a deer trail. Soon we were walking on a slippery, rolling carpet of walnuts! We rounded a curve in the trail and found a massive walnut tree that had been toppled over, probably from a lightening strike and high winds. The branches were loaded with nuts! At once we began filling the pouches that hung around our necks. I ducked under a large branch and squealed out loud. The General came quickly, with gun drawn, only to find me marveling over a perfectly formed abandoned bird’s nest. He put his gun away and just stared at me. “Look!” I said. “I can’t wait to show the children. They will be so excited to see a nest up close and hold it in their hands.” I set the nest aside and we finished filling our pouches with walnuts. “Let’s go further.” he said. So, we leaned our full pouches against the tree stump and carried our pails down the trail.
We marveled at how amazing and massive, the trees were this deep in the forest. Continuing the hike, the growth thinned out onto a sloped clearing that was covered with thick blackberry brambles. As far as the eye could see, there were fat, juicy, blackberries! We could hardly believe our luck. The General found a long stick and began to whack the brambles as he scared away any possible snakes. I followed behind, and the two of us ate berries until our stomachs hurt. Then we quickly filled our pails to the brim and left our beautiful berry bounty for another day.
Back on the deer trail, we found the toppled walnut tree. The General said that he’d like to sit a while. So, we put our pails full of berries next to our pouches full of nuts and sat on a log.
We just sat and listened. We heard birds and bees. We heard squirrels in the trees. We heard the wind in the leaves. It was a most perfect day! He took out his leather water pouch and handed it to me. I drank and handed it back to him. He took several long, slow, sips… seeming to be stretching the moment. Quiet, perfect, minutes ticked by, then he said, “In this forest, under these big, strong, strait and true trees, I want to be strong and true with you. I need to tell you something.” My heart was pounding so loudly, I felt sure he could hear it too. My mind couldn’t make sense of what was happening because I’d never heard the General say anything this personal or poetic. I could only study his face.
Then he did something he’d never done before. He reached for my hands and took them in his. This was the first time we had ever touched. It felt like lightening was passing between us. Once our hands stopped shaking, he said, “I know I am married, and have no right to say what I say. But the truth is, I don’t love her, and she doesn’t love me. The marriage was arranged by her father. He was a wealthy ranch owner whom had given much to the militia and the cause. And when he said his daughter would make a fine wife for me, it wasn’t a question. I could not say no.” I could hardly believe what I was hearing! And he wasn’t finished speaking. “She and I had one child eight years ago, Mary Anne, and we have not been as husband and wife since then. She fears another child. As you have noticed for yourself I’m sure, she barely tolerates the one we have. My daughter has been my only reason for happiness, until you came into my life less than one year ago. Nothing you do, on any given day, goes unnoticed by me. I wake each morning and look for you. I watch you build your meticulous fire…your perfect, beautiful fire. I watch you teach the children and see their rapt attentive eyes. I listen for your laughter across the Settlement, and no matter what task I am performing when I hear it, it makes me smile.” By this point in his narrative I was finding it hard to breathe, and I said to him, “Yet, we are not together. So how can I ever laugh again after hearing these words?” The General responded by saying, “You can never stop laughing, because if you stop laughing, I stop living.” He squeezed my hands tighter, then lifted my head to look into his eyes. I saw tears in them. In disbelief I asked, “Are you crying?” He said, “When I’m with you, I am not the General. I’m only a man lost in love.”
Taking my hands again, he pulled me into a standing position then placed his hands on my cheeks. He kissed me twice. Then he just held me in a tight hug, for what seemed like forever. When he pulled back, he took my face in his hands again and said, “From now on, every time you hear me utter the words, ‘I remember,’ you will know that I am remembering this moment. No matter what the conversation is, or to whom I’m speaking. It will always be this very moment I am remembering.” He kissed me again, then without another word we picked up our pails of blackberries and pouches of walnuts, and my little bird’s nest, and we began the very long walk back to the Settlement.
With both our hearts so full and heavy, very few words were exchanged. We had just experienced the sweetest and saddest moments of our lives. Words were just not enough. Often, we looked at one another, each studying the other’s face, because something profound had changed. We were different. We were stronger and truer. We were more beautiful.
About 30 minutes from the Settlement, the General put his load down, and took mine from me and set them next to his. We stood there sharing one more, warm embrace. He kissed me and whispered in my ear, “I remember.” We picked up our pouches of walnuts again, and he picked up both pails of berries, and we walked side by side. Half an hour later we strode into the Settlement to the sound of all 9 children cheering as they saw the full pails of blackberries!
As the General and I parted company and walked our separate ways, he called out to me, “Michelle, Mam! I want you to know that we will go out again soon. And this time we’ll do some practice target shooting with a gun I will choose just for you.” Then he paused and said, “I remember.” Both our faces lit up together. I thought to myself, “Yes. This could work!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SANTA MICHAEL
It was a simple dream: Sept 20, 2018
I had just posted something on a computer thanking Michael for a magical treat. I said "From Santa to Michael" The accompanying photos were of someone (Michael) dressed all in red & white as Santa. Then Michael dressed all in red & white. Both images with huge smiles. It seems that He'd done something awesome for children. Then I was in a large group of people outside waiting to see Michael and cheer for what He'd done. He stepped onto the driveway, paved with bright white sea shells. He was wearing all red & white. We cheered! He began trying to walk, but he was bare foot and the shells hurt His feet! The crowd was parted for Him to walk. He walked near to where I was and sat down to put socks and shoes on. A young girl began to tell Him things and He just listened and chuckled a little. She was using big words and describing something that didn't sound like it was coming from a kid. I commented out loud to myself that she'd probably her a parent say this and was just repeating it. Michael heard me and took notice of me. He told me He thought so too. He walked over to me and we walked away together. He started looking into my eyes and smiling so much. It was so bright and warm, and as He did this, He stood face to face with me, so close we were nearly touching noses. I wanted to touch Him, but I didn't want to scare Him away. He sensed this, so He reached out and hugged me. He let me hold Him and run my fingernails up and down His arms and the back of His neck for as long as I wanted to. He stood there holding me enjoying my light fingernail scratches. Then we walked into a building and I said to Him, "I've wanted to tell you something all my life, and you're probably tired of hearing it, but I need to." Then I explained being 6& 1/2 or 7 years old, seeing His picture, seeming to recognize Him somehow. I told Him I had a feeling that young that I already knew Him. He was interested and kept a hand on my arm. Then I told Him next of my dream when I was about 8 of He and I behind the tower of clouds and God, that turned out to be Hotei. He was smiling so big and projecting so much understanding and love. Then I told Him how grateful I was to finally be able to tell Him this, after all this time. I stared at Him smiling, waiting for Him to speak, but I woke up instead.
I woke up smiling, feeling happy, but feeling a loss also.
It was a simple dream: Sept 20, 2018
I had just posted something on a computer thanking Michael for a magical treat. I said "From Santa to Michael" The accompanying photos were of someone (Michael) dressed all in red & white as Santa. Then Michael dressed all in red & white. Both images with huge smiles. It seems that He'd done something awesome for children. Then I was in a large group of people outside waiting to see Michael and cheer for what He'd done. He stepped onto the driveway, paved with bright white sea shells. He was wearing all red & white. We cheered! He began trying to walk, but he was bare foot and the shells hurt His feet! The crowd was parted for Him to walk. He walked near to where I was and sat down to put socks and shoes on. A young girl began to tell Him things and He just listened and chuckled a little. She was using big words and describing something that didn't sound like it was coming from a kid. I commented out loud to myself that she'd probably her a parent say this and was just repeating it. Michael heard me and took notice of me. He told me He thought so too. He walked over to me and we walked away together. He started looking into my eyes and smiling so much. It was so bright and warm, and as He did this, He stood face to face with me, so close we were nearly touching noses. I wanted to touch Him, but I didn't want to scare Him away. He sensed this, so He reached out and hugged me. He let me hold Him and run my fingernails up and down His arms and the back of His neck for as long as I wanted to. He stood there holding me enjoying my light fingernail scratches. Then we walked into a building and I said to Him, "I've wanted to tell you something all my life, and you're probably tired of hearing it, but I need to." Then I explained being 6& 1/2 or 7 years old, seeing His picture, seeming to recognize Him somehow. I told Him I had a feeling that young that I already knew Him. He was interested and kept a hand on my arm. Then I told Him next of my dream when I was about 8 of He and I behind the tower of clouds and God, that turned out to be Hotei. He was smiling so big and projecting so much understanding and love. Then I told Him how grateful I was to finally be able to tell Him this, after all this time. I stared at Him smiling, waiting for Him to speak, but I woke up instead.
I woke up smiling, feeling happy, but feeling a loss also.
COSMIC AMOEBA (10-1-18)
This dream took place in another timeline. I still had McKenzie, but she was a young child again. Both my parents and sister were alive with me in the dream.
The sky was a more muted, gray color. I saw 5 kinds of animals…all silver/gray. There was a few small cats & dogs. There was one large moose-like animal laying on the ground with a bunny snuggling in its fur. Then the moose stood and walked to a different piece of ground to lay. The bunny started hopping around and 3 large hogs came walking across the street. I said out loud, “Don’t let the hogs eat the bunny.” Someone said, “They won’t.” The bunny hopped up to the moose and snuggled into its fur again. All these animals were silvery gray. The hogs’ gray skin was also shiny.
Next, I was at a laboratory of sorts, with adults that were scientists. There were a few children as well. Everything was white, with computers and large screens everywhere. Everyone was working on a central problem. The consensus was that the world was ending. Me and the adults were talking about not knowing what to do, if the children failed. All our hopes were pinned on the children. And, it seemed like they were failing to fix the problem. We knew they were failing because we were able to look up through a clear dome ceiling, which magnified the image all around us. We could see the fabric of time and space of the universe. We could look at it and see microscopically some sort of destructive amoeba-like creatures eating away at this fabric of time and space. Life, as we knew it, was going to end.
I was standing in this lab, watching the children, when someone came in and handed me a very young child. He was barely a year old. He was black. He couldn’t even speak yet. However, as soon as I took him into my arms, he looked at me with such knowing that I knew he was the answer! I kept kissing his cheek, hugging him tightly, and kissing his soft curly hair. I held him up to the other adults in the room and said, “Here he is! He’s gonna do it!” I looked at everyone’s faces, and they were all smiling so big! We didn’t know quite how yet, but we all knew this baby black boy was the future of life as we knew it. He was going to save us.
The dream ended here, with me hugging and kissing this happy smiling baby boy. It was Michael. I woke up and knew it was another memory of a different timeline that Michael and I shared together.
This dream took place in another timeline. I still had McKenzie, but she was a young child again. Both my parents and sister were alive with me in the dream.
The sky was a more muted, gray color. I saw 5 kinds of animals…all silver/gray. There was a few small cats & dogs. There was one large moose-like animal laying on the ground with a bunny snuggling in its fur. Then the moose stood and walked to a different piece of ground to lay. The bunny started hopping around and 3 large hogs came walking across the street. I said out loud, “Don’t let the hogs eat the bunny.” Someone said, “They won’t.” The bunny hopped up to the moose and snuggled into its fur again. All these animals were silvery gray. The hogs’ gray skin was also shiny.
Next, I was at a laboratory of sorts, with adults that were scientists. There were a few children as well. Everything was white, with computers and large screens everywhere. Everyone was working on a central problem. The consensus was that the world was ending. Me and the adults were talking about not knowing what to do, if the children failed. All our hopes were pinned on the children. And, it seemed like they were failing to fix the problem. We knew they were failing because we were able to look up through a clear dome ceiling, which magnified the image all around us. We could see the fabric of time and space of the universe. We could look at it and see microscopically some sort of destructive amoeba-like creatures eating away at this fabric of time and space. Life, as we knew it, was going to end.
I was standing in this lab, watching the children, when someone came in and handed me a very young child. He was barely a year old. He was black. He couldn’t even speak yet. However, as soon as I took him into my arms, he looked at me with such knowing that I knew he was the answer! I kept kissing his cheek, hugging him tightly, and kissing his soft curly hair. I held him up to the other adults in the room and said, “Here he is! He’s gonna do it!” I looked at everyone’s faces, and they were all smiling so big! We didn’t know quite how yet, but we all knew this baby black boy was the future of life as we knew it. He was going to save us.
The dream ended here, with me hugging and kissing this happy smiling baby boy. It was Michael. I woke up and knew it was another memory of a different timeline that Michael and I shared together.
*********************************************************************************************************************************
Delicate Things 5-6-19
In this dream I was at an open-air flea market of sorts. I had a table of things for sale, and there were lots of people milling around everywhere. I didn’t recognize anyone…at first.
Then people started getting excited and murmuring to each other, and the crowd got thicker near my table. I strained to look through the crowd to see what the fuss was about.
Suddenly Michael walked up and stopped at my table. He picked up an item, gently rubbing it with His fingers. He looked right at me and said, “1893.” I quickly responded that it was a Xmas ornament made from crocheted lace from 1893. He said, “It’s soft.”
I moved closer to him and said, “You are from 1958. Can I touch you? I like to touch delicate things also.”
He just smiled at me for a long time. Then He lowered His head for a bit, like He was thinking. Then without another word, He sat down on the ground at my feet. So, I knelt down right next to Him. He was wearing a beautiful white, lace, long sleeve blouse. He just kept looking at me, so I finally reached out with my hand and slowly, gently, ran my fingers down His sleeve, from His shoulder to the cuff. Here I hesitated but kept my fingers on the cuff. He never broke eye contact and just held His arm still as I lightly ran my fingers over the back of His hand and top of His fingers. I said, “It’s soft.”
This is when I woke up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Delicate Things 5-6-19
In this dream I was at an open-air flea market of sorts. I had a table of things for sale, and there were lots of people milling around everywhere. I didn’t recognize anyone…at first.
Then people started getting excited and murmuring to each other, and the crowd got thicker near my table. I strained to look through the crowd to see what the fuss was about.
Suddenly Michael walked up and stopped at my table. He picked up an item, gently rubbing it with His fingers. He looked right at me and said, “1893.” I quickly responded that it was a Xmas ornament made from crocheted lace from 1893. He said, “It’s soft.”
I moved closer to him and said, “You are from 1958. Can I touch you? I like to touch delicate things also.”
He just smiled at me for a long time. Then He lowered His head for a bit, like He was thinking. Then without another word, He sat down on the ground at my feet. So, I knelt down right next to Him. He was wearing a beautiful white, lace, long sleeve blouse. He just kept looking at me, so I finally reached out with my hand and slowly, gently, ran my fingers down His sleeve, from His shoulder to the cuff. Here I hesitated but kept my fingers on the cuff. He never broke eye contact and just held His arm still as I lightly ran my fingers over the back of His hand and top of His fingers. I said, “It’s soft.”
This is when I woke up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ALPHA and OMEGA Jan 5, 2019
I was with a few other people, but I didn’t recognize them. Everyone seemed like they were both friends, family and strangers all at once. They mostly felt like impressions of people...like their souls.
We were in a kind of void or empty space. It was mostly black because it seemed that life everywhere was dying. Like multiple lifetimes were ceasing to exist all at once.
I could see slivers of light (the lifetimes) disappearing all around me. People were crying, some were yelling, and some were just staring in disbelief…while others were disappearing into the slivers of light…gone it seemed forever, or maybe simply moved somewhere else.
I saw a figure looming over us. He seemed to be perhaps causing all this, or rather overseeing it. It was Lucifer. I thought to myself how appropriate because Lucifer is the Light Bringer.
I ran to him and begged him to stop this before it was too late. I cried and begged him. I had no way of knowing whether he could, or would, stop it. But I continued to plead with him. His energy was calm, not ominous at all.
One by one the slivers of light disappeared into the blackness. I threw my arms around this tall dark figure. I began saying that I would love him forever if he could make it stop. I hugged him tight with my whole body wrapped around him. Then the absorption of the slivers of light stopped.
I felt so at peace as I felt his arms wrap around me in a tight embrace. I lifted my face to look into the eyes of Lucifer, but it was Michael. I saw His beautiful face and felt His warmth and love. It made perfect sense.
He was the angel. He symbolized both alpha and omega.
The dream ended.
We were in a kind of void or empty space. It was mostly black because it seemed that life everywhere was dying. Like multiple lifetimes were ceasing to exist all at once.
I could see slivers of light (the lifetimes) disappearing all around me. People were crying, some were yelling, and some were just staring in disbelief…while others were disappearing into the slivers of light…gone it seemed forever, or maybe simply moved somewhere else.
I saw a figure looming over us. He seemed to be perhaps causing all this, or rather overseeing it. It was Lucifer. I thought to myself how appropriate because Lucifer is the Light Bringer.
I ran to him and begged him to stop this before it was too late. I cried and begged him. I had no way of knowing whether he could, or would, stop it. But I continued to plead with him. His energy was calm, not ominous at all.
One by one the slivers of light disappeared into the blackness. I threw my arms around this tall dark figure. I began saying that I would love him forever if he could make it stop. I hugged him tight with my whole body wrapped around him. Then the absorption of the slivers of light stopped.
I felt so at peace as I felt his arms wrap around me in a tight embrace. I lifted my face to look into the eyes of Lucifer, but it was Michael. I saw His beautiful face and felt His warmth and love. It made perfect sense.
He was the angel. He symbolized both alpha and omega.
The dream ended.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OLD WORLD LIFE (9-6-19)
This was a memory of a past life with Michael that came in the form of a dream. It was not a modern era.
We lived in a little country town…in a very rural setting in small wooden houses, rather poor. We both had light brown hair and light skin. He was from a family with a mother, father, and a younger sister. I lived in a family with both parents also, but I was an only child.
I remember hanging out with his sister, whom was closer to my age, just so I could watch Michael goof around with his friends. I tried to be close to him whenever possible! On this particular day it had snowed, and we were all out in the beautiful fluffy snow in the yard laughing. He and I would catch eyes often. He knew I liked him, and I knew he liked me, but he was older, and I was his little sister’s friend.
Then I remember him being gone. He had gone away for some time with the older boys, and I was very sad. I moped around the house, barely speaking, barely eating, and my parents didn’t understand what was wrong with me. One day my mother served me a bowl of shrimp soup. She put a large ladle full of big shrimp, into my bowl, but I wouldn’t eat. They were losing patience with me and asked one more time what was wrong. I stood from the table and just said, “I miss Michael.” That was the end of this, and I walked away.
Then I remember the small town having a celebration, maybe for Summer. Several long wooden tables had been placed together forming a large U shape in the grass. Everyone had plates of food in front of them. The snow was gone now. The grass was green. I looked across at the table in front and to my left. That’s where Michael’s family was sitting. They’d left an empty place where he would have been. I felt so sad, sitting there thinking about him and missing him. As I stared at his empty chair, he walked up to his family! However, he did not sit down. Instead he walked around the tables straight to me and sat next to me. I guess we were no longer keeping our feelings for one another a secret! It felt amazing. We talked and laughed and touched our hands together lightly. It was a little strange, but I was so happy to have him back. I could not stop smiling and laughing!
Then his mother called him over and told him something. He came back to me and said he had to go somewhere for his mother, but he’d be right back, then he walked away. I was so overjoyed to have Michael back home that I offered to sing a song for everyone at the picnic. So, the tiny country band started playing a song. I started singing, and some younger girls in matching dresses got up to dance along. I hadn’t been this happy in a long time.
But then the celebration ended, and Michael had never returned. Everything got picked up, and everyone left, but I stayed in that field waiting for the rest of the day. Then I began asking people where he was. No one seemed to know. I was in a panic. I think a day or two went by, with me constantly asking for him. His own family told me they didn’t know.
Eventually I became suspicious of his mother and went to see her again. She was in the kitchen. She seemed to be avoiding my eyes and I felt like she knew something. I started getting more and more agitated and began screaming at her to tell me what happened to Michael! She kept saying she didn’t know but I knew she was lying. So, I picked up a glass pitcher on the counter and threw it into the glass at the top half of the door. It smashed all over the floor. Still she said nothing. So, I picked up a little 3-legged wooden stool and threw in through the kitchen window. Hearing all the screaming and shattering glass, people showed up…I think my own mother and father and her husband too. The devastating truth finally came out, and I was taken home.
At my house I almost exploded with grief at the truth: Michael’s mother had been having an affair with someone, and she thought while the town was distracted by the celebration, she’d get a message to her lover…maybe to meet her somewhere... I’m not sure. But she’d sent Michael on an errand with a note to deliver, and he was killed because of it. In my house, with my parents just standing there, I dropped to my knees and held onto the sides of a tall chair to keep myself from falling. I tried so hard to scream, but no sound would come out. My mouth would open in a scream, but only silence would come out. I tried over and over to scream but couldn’t. All I could do was cry and hold onto the chair legs, sitting on my knees, trying to catch my breath so that I might scream! I just kept gasping and trying to scream.
That’s how I woke up. My heart was pounding. I was short of breath and tears were streaming down my face, my pillow was wet, and I really wanted to scream. It felt like I had just actually lived it.
We lived in a little country town…in a very rural setting in small wooden houses, rather poor. We both had light brown hair and light skin. He was from a family with a mother, father, and a younger sister. I lived in a family with both parents also, but I was an only child.
I remember hanging out with his sister, whom was closer to my age, just so I could watch Michael goof around with his friends. I tried to be close to him whenever possible! On this particular day it had snowed, and we were all out in the beautiful fluffy snow in the yard laughing. He and I would catch eyes often. He knew I liked him, and I knew he liked me, but he was older, and I was his little sister’s friend.
Then I remember him being gone. He had gone away for some time with the older boys, and I was very sad. I moped around the house, barely speaking, barely eating, and my parents didn’t understand what was wrong with me. One day my mother served me a bowl of shrimp soup. She put a large ladle full of big shrimp, into my bowl, but I wouldn’t eat. They were losing patience with me and asked one more time what was wrong. I stood from the table and just said, “I miss Michael.” That was the end of this, and I walked away.
Then I remember the small town having a celebration, maybe for Summer. Several long wooden tables had been placed together forming a large U shape in the grass. Everyone had plates of food in front of them. The snow was gone now. The grass was green. I looked across at the table in front and to my left. That’s where Michael’s family was sitting. They’d left an empty place where he would have been. I felt so sad, sitting there thinking about him and missing him. As I stared at his empty chair, he walked up to his family! However, he did not sit down. Instead he walked around the tables straight to me and sat next to me. I guess we were no longer keeping our feelings for one another a secret! It felt amazing. We talked and laughed and touched our hands together lightly. It was a little strange, but I was so happy to have him back. I could not stop smiling and laughing!
Then his mother called him over and told him something. He came back to me and said he had to go somewhere for his mother, but he’d be right back, then he walked away. I was so overjoyed to have Michael back home that I offered to sing a song for everyone at the picnic. So, the tiny country band started playing a song. I started singing, and some younger girls in matching dresses got up to dance along. I hadn’t been this happy in a long time.
But then the celebration ended, and Michael had never returned. Everything got picked up, and everyone left, but I stayed in that field waiting for the rest of the day. Then I began asking people where he was. No one seemed to know. I was in a panic. I think a day or two went by, with me constantly asking for him. His own family told me they didn’t know.
Eventually I became suspicious of his mother and went to see her again. She was in the kitchen. She seemed to be avoiding my eyes and I felt like she knew something. I started getting more and more agitated and began screaming at her to tell me what happened to Michael! She kept saying she didn’t know but I knew she was lying. So, I picked up a glass pitcher on the counter and threw it into the glass at the top half of the door. It smashed all over the floor. Still she said nothing. So, I picked up a little 3-legged wooden stool and threw in through the kitchen window. Hearing all the screaming and shattering glass, people showed up…I think my own mother and father and her husband too. The devastating truth finally came out, and I was taken home.
At my house I almost exploded with grief at the truth: Michael’s mother had been having an affair with someone, and she thought while the town was distracted by the celebration, she’d get a message to her lover…maybe to meet her somewhere... I’m not sure. But she’d sent Michael on an errand with a note to deliver, and he was killed because of it. In my house, with my parents just standing there, I dropped to my knees and held onto the sides of a tall chair to keep myself from falling. I tried so hard to scream, but no sound would come out. My mouth would open in a scream, but only silence would come out. I tried over and over to scream but couldn’t. All I could do was cry and hold onto the chair legs, sitting on my knees, trying to catch my breath so that I might scream! I just kept gasping and trying to scream.
That’s how I woke up. My heart was pounding. I was short of breath and tears were streaming down my face, my pillow was wet, and I really wanted to scream. It felt like I had just actually lived it.
